Monday, December 22, 2008

What is it?

What is hurt? When another takes what you want to remain/get? The sense of loss?

What is heaven? a place where everything is constantly improving, or a place where everything is already perfect? In that case, what then is perfection? Where everyone can do whatever they please, when they please, how they please, and they like it? Or is it a choice and a state of mind where everyone's happy and joyful, taking life at it's fullest?

Questions and answers are life's journey's, taken to fulfill yourself. The longer it takes to travel between the two, the stronger you become. - What is the one question to which we will never know the answer? This one? - The really mind-bending part comes in when the answers are questions. O well, the mind needs that stretch every now and then. :D

How does a man become something he's not? By God's grace? Find it.
- This is what I imagine when I ask a question. I am a light, like a star. Then, within me, I sense something turning on, a stronger light overwhelms me. In that moment, everything clears to reveal what's ahead. And all I see is the lights, the stars, some suns and a great planet passing me.
Where this is, I can only imagine. Is heaven.
And every question is like that. The clarity enhances a bit when I'm listening to certain songs, but other than that it's always crystal clear. I just have to focus hard enough.
- There, I've explained myself. Go listen to Bach's prelude. blah.

Journey's to go on.

I figure this might just be the only thing I like that I'm good at... is writing. So I will write.

I'm missing those days of innocence. I miss the days when I knew everything... when the world was at my feet and I could pick anything out of a miserable world and enlighten it. Bring light to it.
I like thinking about inspiring people. I like imagining smiles. Laughter in the heart, riches for the poorer, light in the darkness. Flowers in a vase on the windowsill in a hospital. They could be daisies. Maybe roses.
I guess everyone does... I might be the only one who imagines what i imagine, but I think other people want to see the best in people. Want to see people step up to believing what they need to truly live. Want to see them keep going. Want to see them take one more breath, my more chance, and one more look into our lives. Because those people are doing what they do best, we keep smiling. Maybe it's for them, too, maybe we only do it to "appease" them. :)
And maybe it's more than that. Maybe we do it so that we get better. It seems to be more like our own selves betraying our original dark and solemn nature to make them see a blaring light right out of the sky, that candle someone left there to burn a way into people's minds. So that they might at least know where they're going when they choose.
We are the mapmakers. We are the lights. We are the scapegoats in the darkness that people point at, we are the beacon in the mist people cry to when they're shipwrecked.

And to think... after all that... both of us still end up human. Who gained? Who got the better place? Who improved the most, got the most, stored the most, scored the most?
Do we all end up equal in the end?
Then why try in the first place?


It's more than that. It's the trying that makes us more than who we are, as a steel bar tried by fire becomes a strong sword. Or a protecting shield.

And more questions still: what is a bold statement when it's made every week? Every second? Every day? Why do we have to struggle, is it just part of our routine? Is this part of the cycle?

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Hormones: They Suck.

Hormones suck. They take over every thing about you until the only thing you can control is how you use them, which isn't at all helpful. It's like trying to decide how best to use a Nuclear bomb. It really, really sucks to have hormones.

Like what they do to a teenager. Or what they do to anyone with a sufficient mindset for these things.

I'm uncomfortable talking about the Bible, or anything deep, without being warned about it first. Even though Jesus tells us to spread the news everywhere, I'm rather uncomfortable doing it. I even have the thoughts sometimes that there really isn't a God, that this is the only universe that made it so far, has life, and creates more than anything ever did, because it had to. I mean, if we can't survive without certain exact things being there, duh, they're there(because, duh, we're here). And I hate talking about that because there's also a certain part of me that realy really wants to accept, pure simple truths about God. That he created the Universe (maybe through our subconcious[which, as scientists are discovering more and more everyday, acts directly parrallel to the way I would expect Our God to act]). That he loves us. That he sent His only Son to die for us so that we could live in Heaven(mindbuster: is heaven a state of mind, a place in this galaxy, or a place that only spirits can go? or maybe it's all three, but that's a mindtrip in and of itself.)

I'm uncomfortable when I'm with beautiful women(odd, isn't it? you'd think evolution would've done something about that.), so sorry to anyone who thinks I'm particularly boorish or rude. Then again, you've read this far, so I've got assume that I'm still interesting... :)

But now that I think about it, hormones are good for at least one thing. That is getting you out of a rut when you most desperately need it. Maybe sinning wouldn't be such a deal if it could be blamed on hormones. Maybe people could get shaken up and revitalized on their own, but it seems that the way this works is much more simple: the world's most powerful computer processing system shouldn't know it's a processing system. Instead, it should fall back into God's waiting arms.

Or should we?  Vote now: comment!

Saturday, September 06, 2008

Everyman has a story. Everyman tells it with the most he can, the most courage, the most shame, the most life. Everyman lives his story.

but Everyman wants to tell his differently. Everyman does. Everyman, however, all tell the same story. The most beautiful, most passionate, most brilliant, unorthodox, untried, untested, uncensored, undone story of all. The story, some say, that will be Everyman's destruction. Others say it will be Everyman's redmption.

I say it will be both. I say, Everyman is a hero waiting for the strike that will send him to the depths so he can climb back out again, and prove the world wrong. Prove the world "was not everything, I only came back for my hat." Prove the world "meant so much to me that I had to let it go for a while to see if it was really worth keeping." Prove to the world that "although life is pain, pain is life, and everybody's gonna die, it's gonna be alright." Cause life fails. Death wins. But then, "life finds a way." Life always finds a way.

and so this is the story of everyman. This is the part where people, just like Everyman, tell their story. This is the part where people have dreamed and schemed and planned and canned and hoped and coped and fallen, only to rise up again. Tell your story. Live your story. Love your story. Remember your story. That way, when you tell it to God, you'll not forget the details. You'll not forget the inspirations, he let-downs or the boredom. You'll not forget the love, the hate, or the uncaring. You'll not forget the just, the unjust, and the let-alone. Everyman, don't forget. Everyman won't forget.

Let Everyman tell his story. To God, to others, and to you. Listen to it. Learn from it. Live with it. and, if you have time, write in it.

<insert text box that saves whatever you type here>

saved typing's far below, in order of last written. (far because I want everyman to write without distraction, but with his own story.)

"inspired by an idea of what the lead role's name of my sister's act means." -first recorded story.

Monday, July 28, 2008

My take on America.

'The other day I was reading Newsweek magazine and came across some poll data I found rather hard to believe. It must be true, given the source, right?

The Newsweek poll alleges that 67 percent of Americans are unhappy with the direction the country is headed, and 69 percent of the country is unhappy with the performance of the President. In essence, 2/3's of the citizenry just ain't happy and want a change.

So being the knuckle dragger I am, I started thinking, ''What are we so unhappy about?''
Is it that we have electricity and running water 24 hours a day, 7 days a week?

Is our unhappiness the result of having air conditioning in the summer and heating in the winter?

Could it be that 95.4 percent of these unhappy folks have a job?

Maybe it is the ability to walk into a grocery store at any time, and see more food in moments than Darfur
has seen in the last year?

Maybe it is the ability to drive from the Pacific Ocean to the Atlantic Oceanwithout having to present identification papers as we move through each state?

Or possibly the hundreds of clean and safe motels we would find along the way that can provide temporary shelter?

I guess having thousands of restaurants with varying cuisine from around the world is just not good enough.

Or could it be that when we wreck our car, emergency workers show up and provide services to help all, and even send a helicopter to take you to the hospital.

Perhaps you are one of the 70 percent of Americans who own a home. You may be upset with knowing that in the unfortunate case of a fire, a group of trained firefighters will appear in moments and use top notch equipment to extinguish the flames thus saving you, your family and your belongings.

Or if, while at home watching one of your many flat screen TVs
, a burglar or prowler intrudes , an officer equipped with a gun and a bullet-proof vest will come to defend you and your family against attack or loss.

This all in the backdrop of a neighborhood free of bombs or militias raping and pillaging the residents. Neighborhoods where 90 percent of teenagers own cell phones
and computers.

How about the complete religious, social and political freedoms we enjoy that are the envy of everyone in the world?

Maybe that is what has 67 percent of you folks unhappy.

Fact is, we are the largest group of ungrateful, spoiled brats the world has ever seen. No wonder the world loves the U.S.
, yet has a great disdain for its citizens. They see us for what we are. The most blessed people in the world who do nothing but complain abo ut what we don't have , and what we hate about the country instead of thanking the good Lord we live here.

I know, I know. What about the President who took us into war and has no plan to get us out? The President who has a measly 31 percent approval rating? Is this the same President who guided the nation in the dark days after 9/11? The President that cut taxes to bring an economy out of recession? Could this be the same guy who has been called every name in the book for succeeding in keeping all the spoiled ungrateful brats safe from terrorist attacks?

The Commander-In Chief of an all-volunteer army that is out there defending you and me? Did you hear how bad the President is on the news or talk sho w? Did this news affect you so much, make you so unhappy you couldn't take a look around for yourself and see all the good things and be glad?

Think about it...are you upset at the President because he actually caused you personal pain OR is it because the 'Media' told you he was failing to kiss your sorry ungrateful behind every day.

Make no mistake about it. The troops in Iraq and Afghanistan
have volunteered to serve, and in many cases may have died for your freedom. There is currently no draft in this country. They didn't have to go.

They are able to refuse to go and end up with either a ''general'' discharge, an ''other than honorable'' discharge or, worst case scenario, a ''dishonorable'' discharge after a few days in the brig.

So why then the flat-out discontentment in the minds of 69 percent of Americans? Say what you want, but I blame it on the media. If it bleeds, it leads; and they specialize in bad news. Everybody will watch a car crash with blood and guts. How many will watch kids selling lemonade at the corner? The media knows this and media outlets are for-profit corporations. They offer what sells , and when criticized, try to defend their actions by 'justifying' them in one way or another. Just ask why they tried to allow a murderer like O.J. Simpson to write a book about 'how he didn't kill his wife, but if he did he would have done it this way'...Insane!

Stop buying the negativism you are fed everyday by the media. Shut off the TV, burn Newsweek, and use the New York Times for the bottom of your bird cage. Then start being grateful for all we have as a country. There is exponentially more good than bad.

We are among the most blessed people on Earth, and should thank God several times a day, or at least be thankful and appreciative.

'With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, 'Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?'

Jay Leno

Friday, July 11, 2008

The way I feel about my life, complicated (by poetry)

It's more than living and surviving I crave.
I seek more than waiting to accept my grave.
But being who I am and who I want to be
is tearing my devotions to insanity.
Ribbons, as they fall flutter towards the ground
as they crumple on the floor they will make but a hint of sound.
I will not go into fate like that.
I swear to strike my home run when I drop my bat.

I will leave behind my dreams, as dangerous as they are
to be picked up by the few willing to travel that far.
They will go, and they will conquer as none have dared before.
They will lead the army on in the battle-that-decides the war.
They will see the scaping battlefield, spread over time and space
and then they will do what I could not. They will not spit in evil's face.
instead they will turn, and in so doing, bring the gift ahead
to start anew in love and life and leave the fallen dead.

"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they will be filled."
Blessed are those who drive themselves on because they are strong willed.
They shall be blessed or (cursed) with responsibility of what they create.
Be it evil or be it good, God Will lead them to their fate.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Aspects of Life

Life is a time machine.
In it, you can reach for the future, fall into the past, or remain in the present. The future is good. The past, well, it wasn't really worth keeping. The present remains a journey, with two doors in front of you, one going to the past, one going to the future.
Life is a choice.
between good and evil, between living and dying, between finding and losing, between thinking and numb bear existence. Those living, as I've heard, consist of three classes of people: Those who are immovable, those that are movable, and those that move. Life is choosing which you will be.
Life is movement.
Just like one action can start a chain reaction that could destroy the universe, a thought can start a chain reaction to make an action. With thought, we have the ability to choose, to experience emotions, to make reasoned decisions for our future, in essence, thought gives us the power to live, and we could not live without it. But thoughts have no meaning unless applied, unless acted upon, so action is necessary, too.
Life is thought.
Life is good.
In this I wonder, what would happen if we didn't live? Would we care? Would we, could we say "I want to live!" Would we hear a voice crying out in the darkness, against all odds and against all hoped, "This is my life, and I will live it!" Would we think life so good? I believe we would not, because we couldn't think at all. However, because we can live, because we as rational human beings can think, can change the world around us for the better, I believe that life is good. Life is indeed worth living for. And I would die for others to experience it.
Life is worth it.
We all believe, on a rather fundamental level, that life is pain. We could not truly experience good life without pain, and the process of overcoming it. The same is true for problems and greatness, you can have no greatness until you have great problems, and do something about it. Greatness in life can only be achieved for yourself when you take care of a great problem, even if it is living itself.
Life is great.

Yet of all the things life is, there is something it is not: yours. You have to earn your right to live before you can live it, and the only way you can do that is if you choose to believe, think, and act on living great. Life may be freely given, but in the minds of those who've earned it, it cannot be freely lived.

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

God and Evil

As I've stated in my Google Group before this, I have a question about God that is truly perplexing.

God uses evil things, when and if they happen, and makes goodness come
out of it. This is necessary and good, because if something bad
happens, God always fixes it.

Evil uses good things and tries to make them,
well, evil. That's the point.

So my question really isn't do they have to use each other (ie, will
goodness or evil collapse if the other is gone?), but a question of:
Can God, since he uses evil, be part evil himself?

and please don't use Bible verses in this one, I know they all point
to God being good, but I'm confused about that as well(why does God in
the OT condone destroying nations[even down to the innocent little
children?!] and the God of the NT say "love thine enemies."?
Hypocritical? But he's God...)

I'm truly confused and if anyone can answer this, please do. I haven't quit believing yet because I could swear I've answered this question myself once, and satisfactorily. I just can't remember, though, so please help! Is God God, and/or Evil?

Friday, April 04, 2008

Getting older... with Firefox.

Hey, I've gone absolutely mad with the add-ons I've put on my Firefox was putting it all on FF 3.0b5, but practically none of the really good ones work on it, so... back to plan 2.)

Thus far the list for the best Firefox addons includes:

  1. Adblock Plus
  2. All in one sidebar(Aios, this is simply put the best extension aside from cooliris previews.)
  3. Better Search.(for anyone using FF 3.0b5, google preview works about half as well. Not really, but it's the closest thing you've got.)
  4. Cooliris Previews. You have no idea how much time it saves you until you have used it. It is a lifesaver.
  5. Clipmarks. (or, google notebook. Must go to Google itself and see what add-ons they have for Firefox at
  6. Download Status Bar
  7. Google toolbar (must have, but only works well if you have a google account, which I STRONGLY recommend. With a Google account, you have access to more power online than any other account by any other service that I know of, with the possible exception of Mac, but since I have a pc, I can't vouch for it. I like Macs, and want one to learn real programming, but so far I only have about $50 saved for it.)
  8. Linkwad(again, if it ONLY worked!)
  9. Speed Dial/(absolutely ridiculously necessary)
  10. Stumble upon(gotta love those ratings)
  11. Tab Mix Plus (with session save disabled because of linkwad and taboo.) (also, for FF 3.ob5 users, the closest I can come to this INCREDIBLE extensions features are Tab clicking options, Linkwad and Tabs open relative combined, but it STILL doesn't give you as much versatility. It is simply the best addon.)
  12. Tab Scope
  13. Taboo(I die again. I love this one. I use it every single day on my U3 flashdrive.)
  14. Tree Style Tabs (will dearly miss. The only thing that could really make it better was if you could make it appear and disappear with a click of the mouse, like Aios, cause the auto hide function does get a bit annoying.)
  15. Zotero (this is an excellent function for those who carry their Firefox on a USB/U3 disk drive, absolutely LOVE it, the only thing is that they could make it a little more comprehensive, for things like copying an article off of a website, it doesn't find all of the authors and stuff.)

And I realize that this is only miniscule to what normally is added on to people's Firefox, but Those are the ones I find crucial.
Also, as you may or may not have noticed, I am somewhat a fan of google. Advice: get a google account. use your google account. really really really like your google account.

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Test Dummy

This is my first blog post, so go easy on me. I'm assuming it's something like a personal forum page, where only the page owner can write and post materials, so that's how I'll use it. If anybody wants to reply to this and tell me there are other people out there in the world besides me, go right on ahead, I like to here it every now and then.

I'm sort of thinking of using this site, after being inspired by others, for purposes of writing and distributing my ideas and theories to the world. That may seem like a dumb and obvious statement, but I like to orient myself to a focus and then drive that focus as far as I can make it go.

Until Next Post, then.

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