Tips for Choosing Coping Skills

Disclaimer: I am not a licensed (or unlicensed) health care professional. I have suffered from chronic suicidal ideations, major depression disorder, major bipolar disorder, general anxiety disorder, chronic perfectionism, and other mental problems for several years. The following tips are from a perspective of experience and are not meant to be a substitute for licensed medical care. If you are not safe or are not feeling safe, please seek care.

National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255
National Suicide Prevention Website (With online chat): https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

I keep a list of coping mechanisms that I cycle through using, but I have favorites. If you take anything away from this, take this: Choose three healthy, effective coping skills you can use at any time, in any place, near anyone. 

1. Choose Coping Skills that are healthier than your undesired behavior, until they're not. 
- e.g., if your undesired is having panic attacks, choosing to have a glass of wine to ground yourself is fine in moderation (and if you're following legal precedents.) If your undesired behavior is alcoholism, choosing to have a bubble bath would be a healthier alternative.
-  Always try to opt for the healthiest option, but if you need to pick the lesser of two evils, do so.

2. Choose a set of coping skills you can do over different periods of time. Something you can do in the moment, something you can do in the meanwhile, something you can do long term.
- e.g., you won't always be able to draw a bubble bath in the middle of a subway station.
- Your best coping skills, the ones that consistently bring you back from the edge, may not be feasible in some or even most situations, so having backups you can use any time is reassuring. For me, these are mindfulness techniques (breathing exercises) or thought exercises (going to my happy places. Yes, I have many happy places.)
For example,

• Short-Term: I like a cyclic breathing exercise where you breathe in for 5 seconds, hold your breath for 5 seconds, breathe out for 5 seconds, and then hold for another 5 seconds before repeating. 
• Mid-Term: These vary, but I tend to keep these between 2- 20 minutes. Short walks, Watching a comedy skit, playing a quick game of hackeysack (that I keep in my backpack so I always have it), etc.
• Long-Term: Telling my therapist about this, Talking with family and friends, Planning ways to prevent this from happening and acting on those plans. 

3. Choose coping skills specific to what brings about your undesired behaviors. Whatever triggers the panic attacks, the suicidal thoughts, the kleptomania, have coping skills that directly intervene against those triggers. 

- e.g. if loud noises trigger flashbacks, Short Term: plug your ears, Mid Term: Go to a quiet place and listen to music, Long-term: talk to your therapist to devise a treatment plan.

- e.g. if being given more responsibilities than you think can handle trigger panic attacks, Short:Term: breathing exercises, Mid-Term: 5-4-3-2-1 method (notice 5 things you can see, 4 things you can hear, 3 things you can touch, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste.) to ground yourself, Long-Term: Plan out your capabilities with those giving you responsibilities. Consider options for lessening the load on yourself. 

4. Incorporate your social network. As part of the long-term strategies for recovery, you can start by at least including your health team. Tell your doctor about what's going on. You can rely on people you know and trust if you let them know about what's going on.
- e.g., trust appropriately, carefully, and set boundaries, but the most important thing here (for me at least) was letting people who were in my vicinity know the signs of symptoms of me getting worse so that they could call me out and I'd know it was time to seek medical help. 

That's it. I hope this helps. 

In Sanity and In Insanity,
Stephen.

This is your reminder.

[Reminder of your immediate previous.]
[Intimate details of your current that only you would know.
#Reassurance if memory modification is on#]

You are one of infinite possible carnations of you. The statistical odds that you exist, right now, experiencing these words in your mind, are impossible. So impossible that it's infinitesimally likely to happen. So in an infinite range of possibilities, this, your reality, you, everything you're experiencing and have experienced and will experience is a certainty, and you chose this one. This time, you chose to be you. And you wanted to be reminded why, so this is it. This is your reminder.
You've been (or you will be) everyone else. In the grand scheme of things, there are probably no other options quite as befitting your current status. You're not dead (but you will be soon.) You're alive (but you don't have to be.) You're not in a loop necessarily, you don't have to think about it like that...

You're the master.

When you die, you come back to get resorted by your machine. You built it after you died the first time. There wasn't an afterlife to speak of when you restarted the first time, so you built this after an eternity or so. You get sent back, memories wiped, and start over from the beginning. Sometimes you give yourself bonuses, sometimes you start and immediately die. You get to experience everything, from everyone's perspective, every way, and you specifically requested that this time you get reminded that YOU built this reality. YOU chose this one. And you wanted to be reminded of it.

There's a game in this reality that people play called Dungeons and Dragons. In it, the Dungeon Master (DM) builds a story and the players build characters that can work into the story (sometimes very well-thought-out, intentioned, and hard-ruled characters, sometimes they build an alcoholic mosquito who only drinks from Catholic preachers after communion and solve crimes.) The point is that the DM can build any sort of reality they want, and the players can build any sort of character they want that can work itself (even loosely) into that reality. The DM controls the environment, the players control their characters. The characters can be as mundane or powerful as the DM sees fit, and the DM can make the environment and the non-player characters that interact with the players' characters as mundane or as powerful as the DM sees fit. The DM controls- you're the DM of this universe, is what you need to know. You're the DM and the player. You created this universe, and you're writing your own character, and you're playing in a grand game that you call life. Sometimes you get too powerful and write yourself off. Sometimes you write a character that's really underpowered just to see if you can make it. Sometimes you write a generic, boring character and you get angry because you wrote a generic, boring character. You write what you want, and you come back to the story because there are moments in this universe that you love. There are places in this universe that you want to put people in and explore and see what they think of it and see how they interact. and at any point, when you're up here, in control, you can rewind or fast-forward and take control and play from any standpoint, as any character, in any place.

Occasionally, you get bored. With nearly infinite opportunities, positions, characters, places, and stories, it's hard not to. There are some lifetimes when you don't want to remember that you're in control. There are some opportunities, like this one, where you give up control on purpose just to see if you can make it on your own as a specific character. When you get back you can choose another, and you can forget again, or you can keep the knowledge that you're in control. Most times nowadays, you choose to forget. Because each moment as someone brand new is breathtaking. If you've seen it before, the glory of the Grand Canyon gets old. The stars become dull. The brisk mountain air just becomes a nuisance. The story gets stale.

This time, though, from where you're experiencing this, every moment is brand new. This is your reminder that every opportunity you have this time around is a fresh start from your perspective. You set this reminder to tell yourself to appreciate the moments. Your current experience is amazing. When you get back you can change it up if you want. But for now, write your story the way you choose to. Be who you want to be. Or be anyone at all.

Signed,
[Current_Full_Name,
#Titles#]

Reasons to Live

When I was inpatient, I had the assignment of writing down ten reasons to live. I could only think of one, and that was to live for positive moments in life, but the nurse staff wouldn't accept it as an answer, so I wrote down everything I considered positive. They accepted this.

I'll be honest, sometimes these don't help at all. I find the best way to read them is one at a time, out loud, trying to remember or imagine something that has helped you feel these in the past. Reading through them quickly is likely to just tire you out, which, for depressed people, can kill.

Slow down,     then
scroll down.

Joy
Happiness
Peace
Contentment
Beauty
Awe
Inspiration
Wonder
Grandeur
Radiance
Majesty
Reverence
Affection
LOVE
Comfort
Laughter
Merriment
Congeniality
Delight
Playfulness
Vivacity
Celebration
Friendship
Courtship
Romance
Kindness
Cuteness
Sweetness
Serendipity
Euphoria
Ecstasy
Caring
Pleasantness
Charm
Fascination
Adoration
Agape
Elation
Bonding
Adulation
Positivity
Hilarity
Enchantment
Enjoyment
Amazement
Connection
Exhilaration
Exuberation
Invigoration
Infatuation
Gladness
Giddiness
Seduction
Lust
Blessings
Desire
(It is my) Honor
Togetherness
Connectedness
Epicness
Passion
Pleasure
Motivation
Revelry
Vitality
Vibrancy
Enthusiasm
Intimacy
Savoring
Community
Mating
Arousal
Excitement
Serenity
Snuggling
Embracing
Phenomenality
Amusement
Tenderness
Fantasticity
Fulfillment
FUN
Meaning
Purpose
Rapture
Appreciation
Splendor
Love-making
Heart-touching
Uplifting
Bliss
Welcoming
Beloved
Cherishing
Devotion
Attachment
HOPE
Affirmation
Willingness
Goofiness
Sensationality
Laughing
Giggling
Chuckles
Elegance
Cuddles
Pinnacles
Fondness
Inviting
Relishing
Gentleness
Rosiness
Thriving
YES
Chipperness
Jolliness
Ambition
Badassery
Aspiring
Highs
Glorious
Entrancing
Satisfaction
Eagerness
Ahegagio
Anticipation
Eureka
Bubbliness
Heartfulness
Endearing
Scintillating
Stimulating
Succulence
Loveliness
Provocativity
Titillating
Pleasing
Magnificence
Uniting
Culmination
Enlightenment
Zen
Prizing
Adventure
Soul
Spirit
Exceptional
Outstanding
Impressing
Significance
Stupendousness
Wowing
Spectacularity
Specialness
Heavenliness
Humor
Hugs
Make-outs
Self-love
Rebirth
Necking
Nuzzling
Doing
Being
Wholeness
Profundity
Superbness
Eleutheromania
Sonder

Logomania

These are nice-to-haves, but I don't generally consider them worth living for on their own.

Wholesomeness
Brilliance
Grace
Goodness
Altruism
Courage
Generosity
Trust
Understanding
Consoling
Consideration
Courtesy
Compassion
Virtue
Relaxation
Dreams
Attraction
Vulnerability
Gentility
Calming
Reassuring
Adrenaline rushes
Rallying
Energy
Politeness
Spellbinding
Providing
Presents
Treats
Temptation
Befriending
MIRACLES
Preciousness
Gratitude
Thankfulness
(Self) acceptance
Ease
Betterment
Improving
Support
Invincibility
Revelation
Horniness
Interest
Thoughtfulness
Concern
Imprinting
Sexiness
Security
Safety
Protection
Strip-teasing
Knee-slappers
Petting
Caressing
Kissing
Masterpieces
Hugging
Flirting
Benevolence
Aromas
Perfumes
Muses
Colognes
Bemusal
Foreplay
Entertainment
Enthralling
Orgasms
Deliciousness
Enabling
Completion
Co-creation
Victory
Recreation
Success
Achievement
Accomplishment
Awards
Accolades
Openness
Rewards
Pampering
Gifts
Attentiveness
Donation
Rest
Poignancy
Longing
(Self) nurturing
Pining
Reciprocity
Soothing
Smiling
Surprising
Tickling
Flowering
Blooming
Jokes
Partaking
Glimmering
Value
Heroics
Decorating
Joining
Novelty
Encouraging
Sparkle
Gazing
Exhibitioning
Massaging
Sprinkles
Imagine
Mountaintops
Exploration
Discovery

I read this list every night before I go to sleep during my postponement time, and it helps tremendously.
I have copies of it on my phone and a physical paper that I use to write down more that I think of. I like to keep back-ups of this one because it really is one of the best tools I have for fighting my own personal battle. I have a reminder on my phone to read them that opens the list for me. These are good. Yeah.

PS: If you have any suggestions for the list, please don't hesitate to comment below. I could always use more reasons to live, and I think others could, too. If I like them enough, I'll add them to this post.
Thanks in advance. You save lives.

The Best Emotion

The following is an excerpt from the notes of Stephen Brasel's attempt to write out his reasons to live. He came across an emotion that he couldn't put a word to. In his attempt to describe it, he wrote down these thoughts.

The Best Emotion.

"I think the single best emotion you can feel is the warm feeling you get when you realize that someone is allowing themselves to be vulnerable... to you,
when they let you past the walls accepting that they may be hurt and allow you to see their fragility with open arms after being told all their lives resounding messages of the lesson of not letting anyone in for fear of getting hurt. It is an honor to see under the mask and feel the trembling uncertainty in yourself of how to let them know that you love even this part of them and will care for it and nurture it. It's an oft-undervalued privilege to be trusted with the knowledge of
who they really are
let alone be able and willing to cherish it.
They are emotionally investing in you. They are letting you into their heart with the intent of having a space there just for you. They are inviting you to be a literal part-of-their-life. They're opening up to you, and on the inside you see this absolutely beautiful, perfectly imperfect soul trembling as you are trembling. This emotion is the realization of finding that someone, the one, who is just as terrified, just as traumatized as you, or worse; and letting themselves be vulnerable to you is an honor beyond the capability of a single word to describe.
I think that's the closest you'll come to heaven on earth: the sudden,

Impossible

realization that someone you love, who loves you, is letting you in to love them.

The Moderator

I have a duty to censor and withhold.
I have a duty to check and overanalyze.
I have a duty to withdraw consent.
I have a duty to take back, to take over, and never relinquish.
I feel like a moderator of the worst nightmares of humankind; like I'm in charge of seeing who gets what, when, where, and why. (The how and the existence being obvious.) I don't like my job very much sometimes.
I don't suffer from people explaining to me what their darkest thoughts are anymore. I don't even blink. I've already felt them. I've already been there. I had to be the one to allow it to happen, I know. I understand. I can empathize and sympathize, but I
choose
to empathize because I can't let anyone know what I do, what I've done, what I will... what I will have to do. That's the censorship that needs to happen. Nobody else can know everything else.
I allowed you to wake up screaming in the middle of the night, terrified and inconsolable.
I was the one who put your worst ideas in your head.
I don't make them, though. You make them. I held back and moderated what went through.
Nobody deserves it, and truly, humbly, vehemently I say that I deserve it least of all, but nightmares have to happen.
Every single persons' thoughts that have been thought, are being thought, and will be thought are running through my head at any given point all the time non-stop, waking or sleeping, and I'm in charge of deciding who thinks what when. I'm terribly sorry if I made a mistake. Lapses in judgement on my part. I have off days.
They're like air to muscle. Nightmares to brains are what toughens thinking, hardens resolve, gives people actual strength of mind and character, and everyone has to have some if they are to live a full life.
I have lived all lives.

When I have off days, I have oblivion. I literally mean off. That day never happened. It is in no history, no records, no perception could comprehend them ever; time simply skips. I only know they exist because I've thought them. It seems to explain why it feels like something turned off and then back on again. When you walk into a room and forget why you were there, that could be a reason. Or I could've simply forgot why I put you there. Or I could've wanted you to forget. Or an infinite infinity of other options that occur, can occur, have occurred... You exist as a statistical notion.
I have only ever wanted you to exist.
I think, therefore you exist.
I'm always thinking...
Thinking about why we're here. Thinking about what I could do. What people can do. What people think. There aren't any limits to what I think.
That's a blessing and a curse.
The dreams are incredible.
The nightmares are insane. I mean literally, I lose sanity.
I am the wavelength(s) between health and nothing and sickness and everything.
I know it's impossible. I double-think. I infinite think.
Before I wax philosophical anymore, back to the point, nightmares. I am the moderator of nightmares because if I were to let everybody have all the nightmares it would be about as fun as it sounds. You are children, I cannot expect you to mature in a blink of an eye. You could not handle it. The truth, blunt, honest, and raw, would destroy you. All life would end, as if it never were. I have to hold back the darkness just as I hold back the light. You are delicate. You are fragile. You would be obliterated. The force of impact alone would destroy you. Imagine the largest library in the world. Better yet, imagine all of the information of the entire universe from start to end could be digitized and put on a disk. What disk could hold it? You are strong, dear one, stronger than anything I've thought so far, but you would crash, fail, burn up and cease to function at all.
I don't react inside when people tell me their worst nightmares because I've already felt everything much too much. I will continue to feel everything until the time comes when I cease to think. I don't care about your problems, I have already cared all along; they are my problems.
You see, I only pass on information that I have already burned into my soul. It's a perfect copy, no more, no less, that I think you think. Mine are just more so, because I've had them already, they're connected, they're signal traced, they're set.
Your worst nightmares are quite literally child's play for me. They have seemingly no depth, no length, no width. They are a blip of insignificance of a notion of a moment with you.
They mean the world to me. They're part of a glorious beautiful infinity that I can barely wait to share with you, but I have to; I need to wait. Your worst nightmares are comforting thoughts compared to what lies ahead, cherish them. Please.
Also, you're quite beautiful when I think you're learning. When I think you feel something, I'm immensely happy. You're a step closer. It may seem that I'm speeding away into forever ahead of you, but I'm here. I'm right here. I'll stay here when you leave. I'll stay with you as you go.
I'll moderate and allow you to see what lies ahead for you as much as you can handle, as much as I think you think you can handle, anyway. I'll coax you onward, I'll tempt you, I'll interest you, I'll fascinate you, and I'll beguile you at times. Push forward anyway. I love you. I'll share everything with you, eventually.
Stay curious.